Many of us live in a fast-paced, ever-changing world where we are confronted with multiple stressors across different areas of our lives. In some instances, we simply do not have the time—or the space—to focus on or understand our thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. While certain coping strategies may distract us from, temporarily relieve, or explain away uncomfortable feelings, learning to recognise and understand our inner experiences can help us manage stress more effectively and respond in more considered ways.
Psychological-mindedness involves turning your attention inward: focusing on your current thoughts and feelings, trying to understand where they might be coming from, and then considering how best to respond. For some people, this may sound like common sense, particularly if they already engage in self-reflection on a regular basis. For others, however, personal and contextual factors may make this more difficult. Some people struggle to recognise that they are feeling angry, anxious, sad, or even happy. In such cases, they may rely on feedback from others or on physical signs—such as headaches, clenched teeth, muscle tension, a racing heart, sweaty palms, or an upset stomach—to identify how they are feeling.
Although psychological-mindedness overlaps with concepts such as mindfulness, psychological presence, consciousness, and insight, it differs in both emphasis and application. For example, Marsha Linehan’s dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) broadly defines mindfulness as intentionally focusing attention on one thing at a time, in the present moment, and in a non-judgemental way. Mindfulness practice involves observing and describing thoughts and feelings without labelling them as good or bad, and allowing them to pass—often compared to watching clouds move across the sky.
In practice, however, many of us find it difficult not to evaluate our thoughts and feelings as positive or negative. Attempts to do so may even reflect a form of denial or reaction formation. When we are not psychologically-minded, we are more likely to notice only intense emotions, while subtler emotional signals go unnoticed. Psychological-mindedness suggests that instead of immediately reframing or dismissing emotions, we can view them as meaningful communications and try to understand what they may be telling us.
Consider the following example. Imagine a person in their early thirties who has just received feedback on a work presentation. After spending nearly a week preparing it, their manager criticises aspects of the work and asks for revisions before the next meeting. Although some positive feedback is offered, the person leaves the meeting feeling angry and despondent. Core mindfulness skills—and aspects of cognitive behavioural therapy—might suggest noticing these feelings in a non-judgemental way, allowing them to pass, or reframing them with thoughts such as, “This is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.”
From a psychological-minded perspective, however, the person might first acknowledge the feelings by saying to themselves, “I feel really angry after that meeting,” or “I feel like giving up.” Rather than reacting by withdrawing, procrastinating, displacing anger onto others, or posting a cryptic message online, they might sit with these feelings and try to understand where they come from. This could involve asking questions such as, “What about that feedback made me feel so angry?” or “Why did I feel so discouraged?” On reflection, the person might realise that they feel angry because their effort often goes unrecognised, or despondent because they frequently have to redo their work.
Slowing down and attending to our emotional responses allows us to develop more nuanced understandings of situations, which can open up different ways of responding. In this example, the person might realise that they have been under significant stress, that the feedback was largely fair, that they have been feeling unappreciated in several relationships, or that their manager struggles to acknowledge effort. From this understanding, they could consider different responses—accepting the feedback, reflecting on broader feelings of being undervalued, or speaking to their manager about motivation and recognition. While some may view the latter option as unrealistic, our need for recognition at work varies and is often shaped by earlier relational experiences.
Understanding where our thoughts and feelings come from is often one of the more challenging aspects of psychological-mindedness. Different therapeutic approaches offer different explanations. For example, Albert Ellis’ Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) proposes that it is not situations themselves that cause emotional distress, but rather the beliefs we hold about those situations. From this perspective, changing how we think about events leads to changes in how we feel.
In contrast, depth approaches such as psychoanalysis and psychodynamic psychotherapy suggest that recurring patterns of thoughts and feelings in current relationships often have their roots in earlier experiences. These may include relationships in which certain emotions—such as fear, anger, sadness, shame, or helplessness—were repeatedly difficult to manage, or experiences in which emotions were overwhelming at the time, such as trauma.
In reality, we have all had different life experiences and have developed diverse ways of coping with emotional distress and making sense of behaviour—our own and others’. By cultivating psychological-mindedness as a habit, we can respond more effectively to current stressors while also developing a deeper understanding of ourselves and our relationships.
This article was written by Steven Rebello and reflects his views on different theoretical approaches.
Note: A reaction formation involves subconsciously replacing an anxiety-provoking or socially unacceptable impulse with its opposite (for example, transforming feelings of hatred into exaggerated expressions of love).